Don’t Pick At It

This week I celebrated my fifteenth wedding anniversary, and I can honestly say that I love my husband more today than I did when I married him. I loved him then, but the depth of love I have for him could only come with time and life experiences. Our vows have been tested and honored throughout the years, and we’re in it until the end.

I think that’s why I was inspired to write a  romance novel. I’m sappy and I wanted to share the joys and struggles of true love in a story about a man and woman who were born to be together despite their different  directions in life.

I’m not an expert in love and relationships, I just know what has worked for us  for the past twenty-two years. There’s really no secret to being happy in a relationship. We just don’t pick at it.  That’s not to say we don’t work at building a lasting and loving marriage. Believe me, we do. And it hasn’t always been easy for one reason or another. But we’ve managed to survive, thrive and grow closer together.

We don’t look for things to bicker about or compare ourselves to other couples. We just do us and avoid unnecessary drama.

I have the perfect example of picking at something that didn’t need to be picked at and making it  worse for no good reason.  For the past two years I’ve had a tiny bump on the side of my neck. It was barely visible, but I knew it was there. It didn’t cause any trouble or bother me. We just went along life together co-existing…And then I picked at it.

I got this idea in my head that my neck should be bump free. Other women have  bump-free necks, why shouldn’t I have one? So I picked at it and made my neck smooth like everyone else. For twenty-four hours I had a bump-free neck worthy of a magazine cover.  Twenty-four hours after that, I woke up with another head growing out the side of my neck.

I was traumatized and in a lot of pain. That bump had gotten out of control and had taken on a life of its own . My youngest sister named it Doonese,  and my kids had trouble making eye contact. Even my husband, the love of my life, diverted his eyes away from the horror. When I made him touch it, he almost past out.

If only I had left that minuscule imperfection alone, I would not have looked like I was my own twin. You know you look bad when your dermatologist walks into the exam room and goes, “Oh, God! What is that?!”

I explained what happened, and she just shook her head at me and said, “You couldn’t leave well enough alone? You had to go and pick at it. Now look at you.”

I walked around in misery for two weeks with that thing attached to me before I could get it removed. It was completely unnecessary, and it didn’t have to happen. Same goes for ruining a good relationship.

You don’t have to make yourself miserable by some misconception that everything needs to be perfect in order to be happy. Life doesn’t work that way, and it’s a waste of time. If your relationship works for you and you have a mutual respect and are meeting each other’s needs, don’t pick at it. Leave it alone.

Don’t mess up a good thing by comparing your situation with anyone else because you might end up turning something good into a two-headed monster that you have to live with until it goes away. And hopefully it doesn’t leave  a nasty scar.







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